Happy New Year, WordPress-ians! Are you as excited as I am that this year is going to be different? I have that feeling and I hope I can transfer some of it to you guys, but first here’s a quick recap since my last post;
My Mother was released from the hospital and is now at home in the recovery stage before starting any cancer treatments, she has her first oncologist appointment coming up and we’ll go from there. I’m back in therapy on a weekly basis to help with everything that has happened and it’s been relieving. I had almost the entire month of December off from work since I couldn’t take any vacation time during the year. We couldn’t afford to go anywhere or do anything vacation-like, which was kind of sucky, but the payoff of having almost an entire month off was huge. I highly recommend it because that time off has revealed to me what I need to do.
I am 98% sure I am quitting my job, no matter what.
For me, that’s both terrifying and freeing at the same time.
My time off from work has revealed to me what a gigantic fucking problem my job is. It’s all stress and unpleasantness and it’s bringing me down. Midway through my month-long vacation I imagined going back to work and an almost tangible feeling of dread settled on my chest. I imagined working with the same people, dealing with the same customers, working the same hours, I was repelled at the thought and that wasn’t even the biggest sign that I needed to quit. The epiphany came when I thought about the new job opportunity that was offered to me that would take me away from the people, customers and hours that came with my current position and I didn’t want that either. I told my boss I wanted it, it was a step up and a new opportunity, but the longer drive, new people, the personality adjustment I’d have to make, was no longer appealing.
Unbeknownst to anyone, I have no plans to take that new job despite telling my boss and future coworker otherwise. I have decided this feeling of peace is more important and I will work any other job to make that happen.
I have a plan in place which has bought me time to stay in my current position without having to take the new job. It’s totally real and legitimate but because my end goal is buying time before quitting it looks like I’m being sneaky or taking advantage of a federal benefit provided to me. I will be using that benefit in the way it’s supposed to be used, there is no dishonesty there because my family needs help. However, I will also be utilizing that time to find other employment and ease into the transition out from under my current employer. I’m already anticipating the drastic cut in pay and from now on I will live as frugally as possible and will only be spending money on the bills I owe each month plus the other necessary expenses such as food.
What about the soap biz? That is still on the table and during my vacation I made two batches (I would’ve liked to make more but the opportunities escaped me.) The two batches I created showed me that I need some actual hands-on teaching, not just YouTube videos and forums so I took some Christmas money and invested it in a set of quarterly classes. I will be learning from the Soap Queen herself about techniques and a better way to soap. I am very excited about this.
2015 looks to be the year I actually Go Left and create an existence that I am happy to be a part of. I have this yearning feeling inside that’s telling me it will work out and I’ll be safe.
Before I sign off for today I wanted to share an experience that helped me recognize that this is the start of me getting on the right path. You don’t know me in real life, but I am very much a Type-A personality, I over-analyze and over-think and I like having control and knowing the outcome of everything (which is probably how I got myself into this mess in the first place!)
I am on the mailing list of Modern Soapmaking and the owner generously decided to do giveaways for the last 10 days in December. Prior to the revamp of her website she had her own learning materials available to purchase, I held off on buying her essential oil guide and when I decided to buy it I found that she had taken it down and her books were now part of a monthly membership. Dammit! I was totally kicking myself because at that time I was ready to try EO blending and I missed out on her own little cheat sheet she made for other soapers. However, for her giveaway, she said she’d be offering up learning materials as prizes and I hoped that book would be one of them.
Here’s where New Age stuff comes in and you’re welcome to close the browser now if you don’t want to read any more.
I really really wanted her Essential Oil Blend book. So I took some time and thought about it, imagined seeing my name on the winner’s list and I imagined myself reading her book and taking my soap scents to the next level. I did this before I fell asleep so I had very few distractions and I only did it for a minute or two. I was manifesting.
When I got an email saying to check out the giveaway page for the prize and winners I clicked over and guess what??
The essential oil blending book was a prize! YES! Did I win??
I didn’t win.
As a consolation she made the book available for purchase for a short time! So I bought it! And there I was, reading her book and learning about essential oil blending to take my soap scents to the next level which is exactly how I saw myself when I was manifesting. It didn’t work out exactly as I envisioned but I still feel I used the law of attraction, I have the book don’t I?
That was the first time I had really believed in manifesting and I feel it worked out. I am taking that as a sign that I am turning this car called life in the right direction.